dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the condom got lost in my hair
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
