haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
