Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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