I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
