i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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