he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
