It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
