I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
