I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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