The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
