Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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