Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
