like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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