I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
