i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
