Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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