I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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