Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
