This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
