Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
