Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
