i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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