never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't deserve a penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
