he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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