oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's even glitter on my cock...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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