bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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