I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's an acceptable place to lick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
