thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
