And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
