he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
