If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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