May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
