dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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