I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
