I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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