Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm both gender and math confused
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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