Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
