I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
