I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
