STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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