I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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