Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
