So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
