Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's always time for handjobs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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