so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
