Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
