Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
