I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
