Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
