Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
