I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
