and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
