Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
