Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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